Becoming One

Being married young has its advantages and disadvantages. My husband and I were married fairly young, at ages 19 and 21. There were a lot of years of growing up for us, those years included a lot of growing pains, as well. Some of the greatest growing pains that we encountered were those associated with each of us putting our own interests above our spouses.

One of our greatest obstacles was coming to an agreement on how much time we each got to spend out doing leisure activities, away from our spouse. Oh man, the tears and arguments that occurred over that topic – too many to count. I wanted to go shopping with my mom, my husband wanted to go golfing with his friends…there were ASU football games, and girls nights out, as well. It was a struggle! It all makes me chuckle, 20+ years later, but it was a real issue for us then.

The real issue though was not who got to do more leisure activities than the other, the issue was the lack of union, and the increased separation from one another. We were not united in our interest. Now, not wanting to go shopping with your wife and mother-in-law, does not mean that a husband isn’t united with his wife, for example. But when the time apart is hindering instead of helping the marriage, things need to be adjusted. So, adjustments we made.

We began with regular temple attendance together, as well as weekly date nights. Those two things alone increased our unity with one another, and not only brought us closer to each other, but closer to our Father in Heaven, as well. Doing those two things invited the Spirit into our marriage, and our home. Once we had an abundance of the Spirit in our marriage, we could more clearly align ourselves with His desires for us in our marriage, and with the things that our spouse was in need of.

President Eyring teaches, “Where people have that Spirit with them, we may expect harmony. The Spirit puts the testimony of truth in our hearts, which unifies those who share that testimony. The Spirit of God never generates. It never generates the feelings of distinctions between people which lead to strife. It leads to personal peace and a feeling of union with others. It unifies souls.”

I can bear witness to the truthfulness of that quote. Once my husband and I had the Spirit in our marriage we were more unified, and there was less contention and disconnection between the two of us. We each had to let go of a lot of pride and selfishness, but as we did so our marriage was strengthened, and today we are blessed with an incredible marriage filled with joy, union,  and the Spirit.