The Antidote to Pride

“Satan is the “father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another” (3 Ne. 11:29). The verb stir sounds like a recipe for disaster: Put tempers on medium heat, stir in a few choice words, and bring to a boil; continue stirring until thick; cool off; let feelings chill for several days; serve cold; lots of leftovers.” -Lynn G. Robbins

I love this analogy that Elder Robbins gives of a recipe for anger. I think we can all relate to tempers flaring up, especially in our marriages. We start with a little frustration over a situation, and our spouse doesn’t agree, so we become more upset. We then add in some unkind words, to let them know just how upset we are, and we let that fester and boil inside our spouse and ourselves for a few hours, or even days. We think things have cooled off, but they have really only thickened and gained some more intense “flavor”. After things have become cold between us, then repeat the cycle all over again.

Sound familiar?

Of course, it does. It is exactly what Satan wants and what he has been creating in marriages for centuries. “His strategy is to stir up anger between family members.” He also wants us to believe that we don’t have control over our anger…that our spouse made us feel angry with their actions and words. But this is false! Elder Robbins teaches, “Becoming angry is a conscious choice, a decision; therefore, we can make the choice not to become angry.

We choose!”

There have been many times in my own marriage where I have chosen to be angry at my husband. Chosen, because I wanted him to pay the price for what he did to upset me. I wanted justice. I wanted him to be just as upset and hurt as I was, or I simply wanted to be right, and wanted my way. There is so much pride involved in anger, and I have maintained a good sense of pridefulness in my 20 years of marriage….not something I am proud of. That’s an ironic statement… .  Maybe because that pride, stubbornness, and anger never really made me happy, nor did it actually help me to “get my way”.

So how can we avoid this pride in our marriages?

Elder Uchtdorf teaches, “The great enemy of charity is pride. Pride is one of the biggest reasons marriages and families struggle. Pride is short-tempered, unkind, and envious. Pride exaggerates its own strength and ignores the virtues of others. Pride is selfish and easily provoked.” I love that first sentence, “the great enemy of charity is pride”…that would mean that the antidote to pride is charity! Showing our spouse charity, even when we don’t feel they deserve it… and maybe especially we feel they don’t deserve it is the key to our happiness in our marriages. As we let our love for our spouse conquer over our pride we will find greater harmony in our marriages, less contention, and stronger bonds than we have ever had before.

What are the ways that you like to show charity to your spouse or family? Do you have any experiences when you have shown charity instead of anger?